Thursday, December 28, 2006
"To the unknown"
Date: 11 Jan, 2002
i'm cleaning out the closet.
Papers here...letters there... bookmarks... old memories... whatever... i am throwing them all away. Somebody cure me of you. Please.
No need to keep those stuff now. What was i thinking? Those things that preoccupied me before seem to be irrelevant now. This need to hang on must stop now.
THere... It's clean. Good as new. I'm all set for a new chapter... a new adventure... a new facet in my so-called life. This phase is over...
It was a great phase though. One that i would definitely look back on with a smile.
I look up... I see a star... I stop. I cross my fingers and hope. I take my eyes off the sky and stare at the dark mysterious road that lay ahead. I smile and run towards the unknown. It would take a lifetime for me to know where this path would take me. Two things i know of this path - it's hard and it's the right path. That's all i need to know.
Here's to life.
i'm cleaning out the closet.
Papers here...letters there... bookmarks... old memories... whatever... i am throwing them all away. Somebody cure me of you. Please.
No need to keep those stuff now. What was i thinking? Those things that preoccupied me before seem to be irrelevant now. This need to hang on must stop now.
THere... It's clean. Good as new. I'm all set for a new chapter... a new adventure... a new facet in my so-called life. This phase is over...
It was a great phase though. One that i would definitely look back on with a smile.
I look up... I see a star... I stop. I cross my fingers and hope. I take my eyes off the sky and stare at the dark mysterious road that lay ahead. I smile and run towards the unknown. It would take a lifetime for me to know where this path would take me. Two things i know of this path - it's hard and it's the right path. That's all i need to know.
Here's to life.
"Musings on christmas eve"
Date: 25 Dec, 2001
Running away never solves anything. You just have to confront your problem and decide right there and then that no matter what, your identity still remains intact. Never let go of who you are. I tried letting go but it landed me nowhere. I tried hiding but i came back to where i started... It was a couple of hours ago that i realized where i really belonged...where home really was....
I think peace comes when you accept who you are, when you acknowledge your dreams and decide to pursue them, no matter how big the challenges you will encounter. It is easy to follow someone when the future is bright, but it is another thing to have all your hopes crushed right in front of your face. Following would then be an ordeal. It takes God's grace and power to soar again...
* *
I didn't get the gift i wanted this christmas ( hahaha very selfish i know... ). Actually i loved the gifts i got but i was hoping to receive this particular gift... unfortunately it didn't come... Oh well, maybe next time. I'm crossing my fingers on that one.
Running away never solves anything. You just have to confront your problem and decide right there and then that no matter what, your identity still remains intact. Never let go of who you are. I tried letting go but it landed me nowhere. I tried hiding but i came back to where i started... It was a couple of hours ago that i realized where i really belonged...where home really was....
I think peace comes when you accept who you are, when you acknowledge your dreams and decide to pursue them, no matter how big the challenges you will encounter. It is easy to follow someone when the future is bright, but it is another thing to have all your hopes crushed right in front of your face. Following would then be an ordeal. It takes God's grace and power to soar again...
* *
I didn't get the gift i wanted this christmas ( hahaha very selfish i know... ). Actually i loved the gifts i got but i was hoping to receive this particular gift... unfortunately it didn't come... Oh well, maybe next time. I'm crossing my fingers on that one.
"A new ending"
Date: 22 Dec, 2001
"No one can go back and create a new beginning, but everyone can start now and create a new ending.."
True. Whoever said this had a lot of insight. We humans have a tendency to complicate matters. We start out clean but eventually we become jaded (Matchbox 20, i know). It is not that we purposely set out to become jaded, hell, we actually start with noble purposes... but somewhere along the way, we compromise such values in exchange for momentary things...
We find ourselves trapped in our own maze. We lose our freedom to do what we really want to do. Take for example saying the words "i love you". Ironically, these three letter words are so easy to say when you don't mean them, but very very hard to say when you really mean it. What's with that? I guess there is this need to have it reciprocated, God knows how a heart could break if it isn't. So we choose self preservation over honesty...to remain silent than to have our heart wrenched out of our chest... We choose our own prison. It is not a nice place, but at least it is our own.
The good news is, we could start from now and get a new ending. Hope is such a nice word. It is even a better verb. The future is what we make it. With God's guidance, we could still go back to the way things were meant to be. Perhaps that is why Christ came into this world. God just couldn't wipe off the fact that Adam sinned. He just couldn't wipe off the fact that we humans have a tendency to deviate away from his perfect love... but he could come down, he could become a human and show us the way... he could offer us a brand new ending... and that is exactly what he did, two thousand years ago.
Merry Christmas
"No one can go back and create a new beginning, but everyone can start now and create a new ending.."
True. Whoever said this had a lot of insight. We humans have a tendency to complicate matters. We start out clean but eventually we become jaded (Matchbox 20, i know). It is not that we purposely set out to become jaded, hell, we actually start with noble purposes... but somewhere along the way, we compromise such values in exchange for momentary things...
We find ourselves trapped in our own maze. We lose our freedom to do what we really want to do. Take for example saying the words "i love you". Ironically, these three letter words are so easy to say when you don't mean them, but very very hard to say when you really mean it. What's with that? I guess there is this need to have it reciprocated, God knows how a heart could break if it isn't. So we choose self preservation over honesty...to remain silent than to have our heart wrenched out of our chest... We choose our own prison. It is not a nice place, but at least it is our own.
The good news is, we could start from now and get a new ending. Hope is such a nice word. It is even a better verb. The future is what we make it. With God's guidance, we could still go back to the way things were meant to be. Perhaps that is why Christ came into this world. God just couldn't wipe off the fact that Adam sinned. He just couldn't wipe off the fact that we humans have a tendency to deviate away from his perfect love... but he could come down, he could become a human and show us the way... he could offer us a brand new ending... and that is exactly what he did, two thousand years ago.
Merry Christmas
"Three beers and a leather jacket"
Date: 21 Dec, 2001
We had this christmas party at andy's place and it was a blast. Andy proved to be a very good hostess. Anyhoo, after the party, we decided to still go out for coffee. Jeff, a friend of mine commented about beers and stuff. He told me that i looked like someone who drank three beers every now and then. This made me and Andy laugh. I haven't had a single drop of beer in my entire life! (Yes i know, i am quite a deviate from the normal culture) I told jeff about it and he was quite shocked. He told me that i do not live up to my image. "What image is that jeff?" i asked. Jeff answered "That of an independent woman" ... (so independent = beer?) . Andy commented that it must have been my overall image. There are certain stereotypes that people have with the way other people present themselves...1 beer for my half an inch hair last year (i don't know why i went and had my hair cut from shoulder length to half an inch, but i'm pretty sure there was a good reason), another beer for my black leather coat, and another beer for going to rallies... Three beers for that. Not bad. :)
* * *
They gave out awards during the party. Not award awards, just plain funny titles. Andy got the everybody-loves-her-award, an award she definitely deserves. I got the fashion guru award. Hmmmm... Now i have to live up to that title... hahaha.
***
Coolness. WHat the heck does that mean? Cool. In high school, a classmate of mine signed my class picture saying that i was one of the coolest girls in school. She was being kind i thought. Well, maybe the fact that i really don't blow my top off over mole hills made her think i was cool. Hehehe, If only she knew.... Anyhoo, last night, we played a game wherein you describe someone and everybody tries to guess who it is. A classmate came up with the following description: cool, adventurous and not afraid to try out different things. Most shouted my name. And he told them that it was me. Awww shoot! It was christmas and he was being sweet. Maybe cool is something people ascribe to you when they don't have anything else to tell you. Hahaha. In any case, i guess i need to start drinking beers to live up to this image. Just kidding.
* *
Incubus' new song is very nice. Wish you were here is a song i agree with right now. I hope i don't agree with it that much. I'm a basket case. I refuse to cave in to thoughts of possibilities which are really impossible. Still, that song keeps on playing inside my head and i can't help but smile when that music and my thoughts get mixed up.
In the pursuit of knowledge, guinea pigs are the pawns...
Date: 15 Dec, 2001
In the pursuit of knowledge, we hurt some very innocent mice. We injected them with insulin, glibenclamide, placebo and a plant extract. Then we extracted their blood through their tails. For what? To determine if this plant could be an alternative treatment in the battle against diabetes.
It is a necessary evil, one might argue. How could we heal people if we don’t hurt mice? Hmmmm. Interesting question. Certainly it is much more evil if we experimented with humans. But hey, that is coming from the selfish human point of view. I keep on wondering if our roles were reversed and giant rats (the kind that teenage mutant ninja turtles follow around) ruled this earth and we were tiny little humans who lived on sewers. And that they would experiment with our best friends, with our father, our sisters, our pastors, our teachers (you get the point) so that they could find a cure for a disease that is afflicting them…. Inhuman we might say.
Memories of countless frogs being dissected come to my mind. I mean really now, do we really need to know what the insides of a frog look like? Do we really need to kill those poor frogs just so we could observe how the lungs work and how the heart beats? I really don’t think biology students should do such things. So what am I saying? I don’t know…
I guess what I am trying to say is this: It is a necessary evil but I think we should limit it. There are some things in which the benefit outweighs the risk and some that are really just plain stupid. We could go for virtual frogs. Let the frogs (as slimy as they are, and as you guess, I am no big fan of frogs) jump happily and live their life. Hell, they are not after us.
Those monster doctors at the department of pharmacology
Date: 15 Dec, 2001
I look up. It's 8:30 pm. I've been sitting in front of this computer since 10 a.m. Ten and a half friggin hours. No i am not surfing the net. I am doing some statistics for the experiment. You'd think that after four years of stats, i'd be good at this...Shoot. Christmas is just around the corner and here i am slaving away. I haven't bought any gifts for my loved ones... :)
I can smile now because i have just finished it. *Screams* It's a good thing i couldn't find my matchbox cd, otherwise i would have felt the frustration. I opted for the corrs to make my disposition about this whole stat thing more positive. *Chants: I love stats. I love stats. I love stats.
Can't wait for this to be over. God. The doctors in morning pharmacology are like monsters. So unlike the other doctors. It's like they combined all the nasty teachers, the ones wronged by the world, the ones who managed to shed off all their kindness and humanity, the ones who have contempt on youthful exuberance into one department. Sure they have some sort of humanity in them, they have two legs and two arms... but that is where the resemblance stops... LOL i am exaggerating here. Merry Christmas to us all!
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